I
was born into the church; raised in the church; live in the church and by God’s
grace will die in the church. I have joined the membership of a wide spectrum
of the Christian sects/denominations from the sometimes chaotic and emotional aladura settings to the pious and
tedious orthodox-like congregations. In my time, I have held different
positions and rubbed minds with many believers and must confess that to this
day, one of the ironies I find most compelling is the ease with which the wool
is pulled over the eye of the young Christian. It is an irony because the
church is expected to be the venue of mind renewal, yet many of its young are easily
deceived and drawn away.
Before you start judging this piece, consider the number of times you’ve heard bad boys say something like: “Although I enjoy the company of the worldly campus-girl types, when I am ready to settle down I’ll go and pick a girl in the church”. Or that, “The best place to get wife-material is in the fellowships”. The bad boys love to boast about the fact that they have deflowered so many girls and are confident that they will still marry a virgin, because they are plentiful in church. I believe that we all have one friend or an aunt who grew up fearing God and serving Him but was unlucky to have married a dog of a man or even a wife-abuser. And it is not only the girls! It’s also a common trend to find dedicated and decent Christian guys blinded by the love of girls who spent their early years cavorting and committing all manner of atrocities? From the outset, these guys are quick to point out that there is no one God cannot change, but their eyes start to really open when their homes are wrecked by the worldly and wild ways of the woman.
I
am not saying that it is impossible for God to change a sinner neither am I
advocating that sinners be banished to an unhappy life as a reward of the
wayward lifestyle they chose. But from experience, I have found only one truly
converted soul for every five who come pretending; only for them to display
their true colours after they have succeeded in trapping the unwitting
Christian with marital vows.
The
worldly ones prey on these lovely Christian youths who have been taught how to
behave but not how to discern. Even, Jesus said that the sons of this world are
wiser than the sons of light[1].
And, though He exhorted us to be harmless as doves and wise as serpents[2],
the church for the most part, appears to be turning out boys and girls that are
harmless as doves and dumb as sheep. Let us go to the genesis of the matter to
see how this situation came about.
Girls
As
Sunday school attenders, we are taught Bible verses, the parables of Jesus and
lovely sing-alongs. Then we move to the teenager’s church and are taught to say
the right things and do the right things. But, shortly after puberty, the girls
seem to become aware of the outside world (it is a fact that girls become
self-aware faster than their male counterparts). And with this awareness comes
a lot of comparison. The girls notice that there is a lot of laughter out
there, but what abounds in the church is sober contemplation. There is a lot of
colour out there, but the church has only two colours – everything is either
black or white. There is a lot of vibrancy and fun out there, but all they are
provided with in the church are the old traditions that parents and Sunday
school teachers want them to imbibe.
I
can remember that as a teenager, I heard several girls in church saying that
they like boys that make them laugh. I wasn’t the joking type and I used to
wonder why they badly needed to laugh; where they so bored out of life? But, I
have come to see that it is less about laughter and more about happiness and
being appreciated. Because, no matter how holy she is, the average woman wants
to be treated to good things: from well-sounding words, to lively rendezvous
and even carefully picked out gifts. Even a 70 year-old grandma still feels
reinvigorated whenever her man trips her,
even if is to take her out to the simple neighbourhood restaurant. And when a
woman has the money to treat herself, it appears that having a man to do same
makes it more enjoyable. I am beginning to see it as a God-ordained design to
make a woman feel loved.
The
unchurched (bad) boys seem to know this fact so well that they keep trumping
their churchy counterparts. When a Christian girl complains about tummy cramps,
the church boy looks her in the eye and declares that, “By His stripes she is
healed[3]”.
Result: She is left wondering if she is not availing herself of the healing
Christ has provided. When she reluctantly mentions it to the bad boy, he holds
her hand and boldly asks her if it is the time of the month. If she replies in
the affirmative, he offers to run to the pharmacy and get the pain-killers she
uses and add in a few sanitary towels too; all at his expense. Result: She
feels cared for.
If
she is unhappy about her female friendships going bad and how her friends are
badmouthing her, the Christian boy encourages her to forgive. Result: She feels
she is lacking in the fruit of the Spirit[4].
When she mentions it to a bad boy classmate, he tells her the nice things about
her that her friends might be envious of and tells her it’s the same way with
everybody who is superior to her peers. Result: She feels reassured.
Some
girls often feel that a man who says the right words is a right man and that
the man who trips her must be
tripping for her. Satan used that trick on Eve and has done so ever since[5].
When he succeeds, all they then have to look forward to is an unhappy life and
marriage, or an abusive one if divorce doesn’t come first.
Boys
If
Christian girls are lured through what they hear, the boys are through what
they observe. Adam saw Eve and declared, “My bone, my flesh”[6].
The angels saw the daughters of men and left their glorious estate for just one
night with them[7].
David saw Bathsheba and with his own hands brought death into his family[8].
When
he looks in the church, a Christian boys sees girls headed for heaven, but what
he needs is a companion on the earth. The girls know how to pray, but he needs
one to both pray with and engage with mentally. The girls know the truth and
speak it fearlessly but he also needs one to affirm him. Most men I have met
say that rather than be loved, they would be respected. And unfortunately, the
girls outside know this so well and are ready to give the man love (or the
appearance of it) and while at it treat him like a king too. The result is that
the men, who think they are marrying a regenerated Rahab[9],
end up with Ruths who have become Jezebels.
It
is so unfortunate, because it further results in the fact that some of the
girls not preyed on by bad boys do not get Christian boys to marry, because
they are trapped in Jezebel’s bedroom. And some of the boys lucky to have
escaped the lure of worldly girls do not have Christian girls to marry because
they are in slavery in Nabal’s backyard[10].
Build a garrison
A
lot rests on teachers, parents and Christian singles to stop this Amalekitish
crusade of picking out the weak and vulnerable ones straggling behind the rest
of us[11].
Christian
boys need to wake up and protect our girls from these wolves in sheepskin and
stop leaving our Eves behind like Adam did and allowed the devil to beguile
her. And Christian girls need to adorn themselves with grace and protect our
boys from getting beguiled by the beauty of the strange woman. I am not asking Christians
to form vigilante squads, don’t get me wrong. Christian boys need to protect girls
by showing them love and understanding. Learn to appreciate them because your
future as a church depends on them. Let pleasant words of reassurance and
edification drop from your lips to your sisters, they need it. It will be of
immense help to you when you become husbands and fathers. Girls, I know you
have been taught to stay a healthy distance from the boys so you don’t fall
into sin; but don’t step too far away because Delilahs[12]
are lurking around to steal the mighty men of valor that will bring us
deliverance. Why should your brother be seeking her attention when nothing is
more compelling than the grace you carry?
Christian
teachers too need to change the way we teach our children. It is true that
believers are spirit-beings and need to be spiritually strengthened, but they
are human beings too. These spirit-beings need to be reassured and reaffirmed
from time to time because they are still humans. The human aspect of the female
spirit-beings need to hear inspiring words to get stirred; and that of the male
spirit-beings need to behold graciousness in manner, speech, temperament and
appearance. (Yes, I said speech for
wasn’t it the affirmation that King Saul lost to David that made him a
homicidal maniac?). If they don’t get the real thing in the church, they
will go out and gobble the toxic substitutes the Enemy is too glad to provide.
Teachers,
also need to work hard on steeling the hearts and minds of girls against the
sweet nothings of bad boys by
teaching them that nobody can love them more than God and themselves. Teach
them to be secure in His love and to be excited about His promises about them
than the subtle whispers of men. There is also a pressing need to make the boys
understand and accept that they were designed to be stirred by what they see,
but teach them the value of grace and inner beauty. This is because when they
see it, they will know it as the thing that truly lasts. Teach them these
things when they are young and their values are yet to be cast in stone.
Lastly,
I don’t think it will hurt the church to add more fun activities, moderated by
these young ones, into their programmes; I promise that it won’t un-sanctify them. _ Segun O. Adio
I'm spellbound! I say this not to make you gloat but because I'm actually spellbound! YOU ARE FULL OF EXPRESSIONS MAN!
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